i had not been looking forward to the start of semester 3. that was partly influenced by trepidation regarding my clinical practicuum, dread regarding the assignments, and of course, the big bum in me wanting to be on vacation 24/7.
it looks like my fears are not unfounded; or at least half of them are. the expectations for assignments have been raised a notch and there's also a massive project to undertake which involves not only me, but everyone i know whom i call family all the way up the tree.
did i mention i wasn't looking forward to this?
it has been months of fighting the near-rabid desire to acquire the htc touch - a pda/phone hybrid housed in a sleek and curvy body. its main selling point, however, is the revolutionary interface known as the touchflo which enables the user, that's me, to easily [and stylishly] manipulate the touch with a finger swipe or two.
and patience does pay off, i'm glad to report. in waiting till i was eligible to recontract my mobile line, i was rewarded with an enhanced unit which htc released just last month in response to the unexpectedly soaring sales for the original touch.
so no more running into crowded stores just to catch a glimpse of the touch behind smeary glass cabinets, or reading and re-reading online reviews, or watching and re-watching youtube videos about it.
now, perhaps, some semblance of sanity can return.
now that the ballyhooed getaway is over and done with, it's time to consolidate the good times before they are lost to the approaching weeks.
i'm not going to muse about how nice it was to be by myself... etc because that would be like flogging a dead horse, so i'll just list the most memorable things as they surface. it's not very innovative, i know, but it gets the job done.
slowing down
i'm surprised at how much easier it is to pray and meditate when there aren't a zillion things worrying me. the implication is therefore that i worry too much most of the time, which also leads one to conclude that i don't pray and meditate as much as i should [it's funny how this one turned out to be a confession but i guess good memories come in all forms, especially unexpected ones].
lessons
on the 2nd night, the rousing voices of a group gathered in the house next door singing 'just a closer walk with thee' caught me by total surprise. i stood outside my room, on the verandah, in the chilly night air, listening to them singing, no, proclaiming chorus after chorus. the songs they sang were old, but each line was ringing with such fervent truth through the darkness. even when we are not seeking, God speaks and teaches every day!
quietude
silence is indeed golden, and for me, enjoyably so. other than to order food and make purchases, i barely needed to converse at all. while waiting for the bus on the morning of my return home, i met a chatty canadian tourist who insisted on sharing with me all about his travels. i'm guessing it's because i was the only other person there. however, for all his friendliness, i couldn't decide if i was annoyed or intrigued, but i identified an odd sensation, almost as if i was re-acclimating to prolonged conversation again. now as to whether that's a healthy trait, well, i'm going to sit on the fence on it for a bit.
another world
on the last night of the trip, i chanced upon a well-worn copy of the kite runner, a prize-winning debut novel by afghan-american writer khaled hosseini laying around in the common area. i ended up with 3 enthralling hours submerged in a moving tale of betrayal and redemption. it has been so many years since i've thoroughly enjoyed a good book that i've forgotten the relish that comes from devouring page after page of a well-told tale.
finally, pictures!
i didn't use the camera much at all this trip, in fact i kept forgetting to bring it along with me. as cameron highlands is famed for its cool climate, the agricultural landscape of the region is therefore prolific and lush. these snaps were taken of the flowers found in the wild and at the guest house i was staying in, and close this post with images as lovely as my memories of the place.
so it's day 5 of the break, and i finally had the good sense to plan an excursion to the only wifi spot in town with my lappie in tow. i guess there are some things, like himbosity, which never change even with clear mountain air and zero schedules.
this isn't quite a snugly-fitting description but it has been an interesting week. it all began with a horrifying bad monster movie screening on the bus up to kl; dinocroc: how could i ever forget thee [even though i desperately wish i could]? that was followed by 2 days of sleeping in, lounging around dinesh's apartment, getting sick of maggie's curry-flavored instant noodles and watching dated b-grade movies on cable tv.
on wed, i took the morning bus up to cameron highlands and arrived, thankfully, before the nausea from the winding journey kicked in full force. just in time for lunch, no less. i settled myself in at a quaint little guest house with the most vibrant flower garden and a lovely window from which to watch the grey rains pour non-stop the rest of the day.
i expected cameron highlands to be cool, weather-wise i mean, but i didn't think it would be cold. i realised on thur morning, when i awoke in a frozen ball, how rather ill-prepared i was for the high country. but one makes the best of the situation, i thought, as i thawed out in the hot shower. i explored tanah rata, the little town that i was in, acquired a map and generally bummed the day away between aimless meanderings and the psp.
my alarm got me reluctantly out of bed before dawn and i spent friday morning attempting a couple of mountain trails found on the map. none were very interesting, sad to say, but i enjoyed the sense of solitude, quietly trudging along the uneven trails by running water with the sun rising beyond the dark foliage above.
there's still the rest of one last day here, but i'll just take each hour as it comes. there are no cinemas, no starbucks, no mega malls to be found here; just a slow and steady rhythm of life in a sleepy town. this trip wasn't so much about doing stuff or seeing things, but just to be by myself and with myself.
i guess i'm the kind of person that just needs to run away from all that is familiar and routine on occasion, and just spend quality time finding me again. does that make sense?
so, bottomline, has it been a good trip? as i think about it, i realize it's unfair to phrase a simple yes/no answer. there is undoubtedly the good from the me time which i needed, but there's also the not-so-good from the lack of experience in planning a trip like this. i guess there could have been more accomplished, though exactly what i can't say either. or maybe i'm just unwilling to commit one way or another, haha.
but i can say with great certainty that i had a good time. maybe that's what counts.
i was admittedly a tad worried that i would end up spending my upcoming break battling the flu and other viral delights; which is why it's such a miracle that i'm almost mended save for the random cough and low-pitched speaking voice.
i have been so looking forward to this getaway time that i was determined to see it through; even if it meant a sneezing and hacking confinement in a motel somewhere with a mountain of cheap tissues and a wonky television.
that's how badly i need this!
which is also why i am so thankful that i woke up this morning without the burning lump in my throat and leaky nose that i went to bed with.
who would know what we need better than God?
this is my 3rd post for the week which means i'm on track with one of my resolutions. yay for me!
so i kicked off the new year with a brilliant party at henry & jenny's, followed by two days of headaches, body aches, hacking up green phlegm-balls and vacillating between nausea and giddiness.
what a great start, huh?
that effectively puts my grand plans of world domination and exercising on hold, hopefully for not much longer. however, after sleeping through the entire day, i am feeling somewhat better.
the evening air feels cool and crisp outside, i think i'm gonna take a walk. and maybe get a little ice-cream along the way. yay!
i can't remember the last time i made a new year's resolution. i don't generally put myself in the embarassing position of inevitably sliding off the resolution wagon but i seem to possess an uncharacteristic insistence at bringing that to pass for 2008.
a glance over my shoulder brought to the fore the many changes that have occured. many are good, hopefully not deludedly so, while some are still in the grey zone. i know that i'm out of balance as a result, but i'm not sure yet if i can handle this.
so perhaps it is to restore some familiarity or stability that the following ideas are strangely in my head. without further ado, here's what i want to accomplish for 2008:
i want to blog regularly: i want to get back into the habit of writing/blogging/journaling or however one labels it. i really miss organizing my mess up there and laying them down on the page. writing is so invaluable to sorting out the swirl of thoughts and emotions that course through me so i consider this a relatively major resolution. my first thought was a-post-a-day; yes, outrageous, i know, so during a rare sane moment i quickly decided i'll shoot for a minimum of 3 posts weekly to get the engine started again.
i want to take jazz piano lessons: there's a keyboard school at bugis which focuses on helping their students gain improvisation and playing-by-ear skills. it's a long overdue project but i think that i can muster the fortitude to complete at least a semester with the school next year. i've been working on my technique and learning some challenging pieces on my own so i think the course will really augment my abilities. hopefully the fees are affordable...
i want to get fit: this is another area in my life i've completely neglected since i left for studies in the us 11 years ago. while i generally control my eating habits, the lack of any exercise can't be good in the long run. not to mention that no one likes to be flabby and lethargic; but you have to really loathe it enough to do something about it. so i'm going to start by doing HIIT 3 times a week in the morning. i won't make it more difficult than it already is by throwing a glitzy gym membership into the equation since that would be a guaranteed failure right there, but let's just say i hope to move in that direction over time.
there. i've said it and put my rep on the line. in wanting to stick to the resolutions, the implications are enormous - discipline and time management will be important, as is maintaining the momentum for school. but how else can i make 08 a more rewarding year if i don't push myself, right?
to everyone, may 08 be bigger and better for you. and may you never get to watch me crash and burn in a huge humiliating wreck. hopefully!
so i've made it to the mid-point of the masters course. not with a triumphant stride, unfortunately, but rather in a manner akin to desperate clawing.
i've learnt so much about myself this past year; perhaps too much, too soon. at times it felt like i was being riddled repeatedly with merciless shots of self-revelation. there was no time to react, to breathe.
did i want to give up along the way? there were moments that i did. the gashes of discovery made facing tomorrow just a little harder; but there was also the inherent promise that the future would be brighter, far brighter, after the wounds are mended.
the unexpected rawness of the experience still smarts inside. the elation and agony, the confusion and clarity, the strength and frailty are all enmeshed into a strange, yet familiar, dull throb. how long will this ache sustain itself, i wonder?
everything around me is changing so swiftly. is that because i am falling? there is nothing to hold onto in this roaring space. how do i learn to embrace this rushing vastness without fear?
the countdown to the second leg of the journey has begun. i still have much to do.
for months, i'd been anticipating the moment when the final assignment is completed and sent.
the door to my cage will swing open as freedom waves her hand in joyous welcome.
the moment inevitably and gloriously arrives; the first thing i do is step unceramoniously into wet cement.
what can i say? the prodigal klutz returns.
in an honest moment of spontaneity, i've acquired the spanking new nickname of 'mad dog'.
kids say the darnest things. good thing i kinda like it.