so the deed is done, and the camera now belongs to another.
as i walked away from the transaction, it was surprise which welled up; perhaps i never believed i could go through with it.
but i did. now all that remains is a single lens still waiting for a buyer.
and, of course, countless memories captured during my photographic journey with it.
thanks.
capricious: characterized by or subject to whim; impulsive and unpredictable.
so this is me, or at least according to certain circles.
definition derived from the american heritage dictionary
bewildering is the process of laptop-shopping. after poring over accumulated spec sheets all afternoon, everything cascades into a sea of numbers.
style or substance? well, why not style and substance? it's not just a matter of being able to surf the net any more.
is the agony about the best bang for my buck? i don't think so.
is it then about prudence? i hope that's it.
eternity is sometimes like a concrete conviction.
other times it is like a dancing shadow i spy in the corner of my eye; when i turn it's no longer there.
does intellect have any bearing on its reality? none - because it only equips me to doubt.
so that just leaves faith; and in my case, a very small measure.
as a deliberate step towards simplifying my life, i have put up some accumulated trimmings for sale at rock bottom prices. that, unfortunately, led me into the exasperating world of haggling bargain-hunters desperate to save a dollar.
or less!
thrift is doubtlessly an admirable trait to hone; but how far does one go before the ugly persona of a greed-filled miser manifests itself?
was i disgusted? i am ashamed to admit that i was, for surely i am no better than any of them and, in my own way, am likewise self-centered and myopic.
as i organize what's outside, perhaps i should work even harder on what's inside, too.
by minnie driver
child of the wilderness,
born into emptiness,
learn to be lonely,
learn to find your way in darkness.
who will be there for you,
comfort and care for you?
learn to be lonely,
learn to be your one companion.
never dreamed out in the world
there are arms to hold you,
you've always known your heart was on its own.
so laugh in your loneliness,
child of the wilderness,
learn to be lonely,
learn how to love life that is lived alone.
learn to be lonely,
life can be lived,
life can be loved alone.
sometime back i learned that the discomforting undercurrent which simmers between fathers and sons was not uncommon.
relief came with the knowledge but it was a brief release. for some unknown reason, it has since darkened in intensity.
what is this tension that grips me in his presence? i'm convinced it is merely muscle memory. perhaps i've not reasoned hard enough with myself to eke out a brand new start with him.
is that even plausible?
oh well, happy father's day, dad; i mean it even if i couldn't say it.
much has been said of the inherent self-centered nature of man. why then do we take such abysmal care of ourselves?
my trip to penang ended with a sobering realization: i had desperately needed this down time; and i had been foolishly laboring under a martyr-complex.
sacrifice is a necessary trade-off for progress and advancement, but, i would ask, to what end?
i can't remember the last time my body felt so rested. what a curious, but not unpleasant, sensation!
after wasting another morning away, i reluctantly braved the heat to golden mile complex.
the array of signage there hit me like an unsolved rubik's cube. i randomly chose a store and bought a bus ticket to kl. tonight. 10pm.
walking away from the circus of colors and milling bodies, i ran into jenny and dawn dragging their luggage. henry was there with the car.
and i, of course, hitched a ride home gleefully and gratefully.
am i shallow?
i've always loved the touch of sleek minimalism that apple personifies.
clean. simple. and strikingly beautiful.
their latest and greatest, the iphone, is set to be launched in north america later this month. asia will have to wait with bated breath till 2008 for our chance to own one.
in the meantime, the macbook beckons alluringly. resistance is futile, i reason.
or maybe i'm just plain shallow.
the surrogate room at berjaya times sq had been a vastly superior experience. 4 days later, my own room feels foreign, yet familiar at the same time.
my trusty black backpack slumps against the wall as i unpack. it is a surprisingly painless and efficient process - maybe a testament to my improved sense of organization?
unexpectedly, the last mental image of my musty room syncs perfectly with reality as i put my bag away. the intensity of the church camp recedes into the past and i feel like i'm home again.
outside, nite prowls as the city unwinds into slumber.
inside, the desk lamp illuminates my work space which is overrun with sprawled notes and paper stacks.
an eraser. a mug. a sheen of dust on the comp screen.
it's funny to realize i'm noticing them. or maybe not.
dawn will rise soon. progress - do not desert me now.
it's strange how something as innocous as a list can turn rather fearsome. it seems alive inside of me, gnawing and clawing to ensure my constant knowledge of its presence.
my thoughts are consumed by the endless little steps i need to take to shorten the disquieting list. yet my body is sluggish and reluctant to spring into necessary action.
i need rest that i cannot afford.