shin megami tensei: persona 3
i really enjoy this game tremendously. the experience harkens back to a time when i could afford to immerse myself in an alternate and fantastical reality.
however, lengthy breaks between gaming sessions destroy the illusion; and currently, with my free evenings consumed by the expectations of acadamia, the initial excitement is spluttering towards a petulant death.
this post will therefore serve the express purpose of reminding me that retreating into myself isn't always pathological. when used with care, it's a perfectly normal way of dealing with life.
but until i get the time, this part of me will just have to remain in slumber for just a bit longer.
special moments don't come around often.
special connections are rarer still.
but when these two collide, the world changes ever so slightly.
and on sept 30, 9:29pm, that's exactly what occured.
even without trying really hard, the body will simply degrade.
the joint aches and pulled muscles here and there tell the sad story more completely than words can.
the tension in my throbbing right hand is an undisputable sign of overwork; but the mouse & keyboard, piano and playstation controller beckon daily.
so what's a guy to do?
what is emotional self-containment?
it is the deadening of the ability to trust in others and avoidance of risk in affectionate attachments (john bowlby, 1956).
from infancy to adulthood, this painfully-developed paradigm usually persists.
i'm not sure which is worse: discovering this is true of oneself, or never finding out?
bowlby, john (1956). the growth of independence in the young child. royal society of health journal, vol. 76, pp. 587-591.
who knew that camp and pathos could ever unite so harmoniously?
take care not to be distracted by the abundance of sequins lest you overlook the quietly aching heartbeat of this gem.
all that glitters is not gold; but when it is, don't be blinded into believing otherwise.
as we respond to life, second by second, a framework is being meticulously constructed from which our future behavior will manifest.
for good, or otherwise, the impact of our past is tremendous.
so pervasive is the experience that our power to hope and heal crumbles with time's passage.
fortunately there is Someone who can restore innocence lost; the question is, would you want it anymore?
i have been intending to experience the new classy range of japanese dark chocolates by meiji.
i figured the manly thing to do was to hit on 99% cacao.
it turned out to be a really disasterous plan.
now i know my place in chocolate-dom.
when your thoughts wander into the notorious realm of excess, can you arrest them before decision-making becomes a lucky draw?
can you distinguish between caution and fear? can you toe that extra fine line with finesse?
i think i can't, though this realization is a small comforting step towards conquering my weakness.
i wonder, between bravery or patience, which would i need more of?
i have never been famed for a sunny disposition; and a single absurdly frustrating afternoon is iron-clad testament to that fact.
"you look stressed." ben observed with a smarmy grin.
"no, i'm not," came my terse reply, "i'm just freaking annoyed."
i was, in fact, summoning all my will power to stay annoyed because anything above that level would have rendered me a nasty snarling beast.
several hours later and with the technical glitches still mockingly intact, i'm mostly just embarassed with myself.
and maybe just a tad annoyed still.